TOUGH ENOUGH

Over the weekend, I had an engaging session with a group of young men on toxic masculinity. The goal was simple: to redefine masculinity and strength beyond the narrow confines society has imposed on manhood.
I started with an icebreaker, a story from a movie I recently watched, Lee, featuring Kate Winslet (yes, the star from Titanic). The film, set during World War II, has a striking scene where Winslet, playing a photographer, visits a war hospital. She meets a soldier wrapped in bandages from head to toe. Despite his condition, the soldier asks for a photograph to send to his family, so they’d see him as brave. Society often measures a man’s worth by his bravery and strength, pushing many to go to extreme lengths to prove themselves.
Next, I shared a thought-provoking story from Justin Baldoni author of the book, Man Enough. Interestingly, Baldoni known for his role in the movie It Ends With Us is currently in the spotlight for allegations of sexual harassment by his co-star Blake Lively. If the claims are true, it’s ironic and a wake-up call for him to reassess what it truly means to be “man enough.”

The discussion focused on how toxic masculinity thrives in our circles, shaping how men view themselves and others. These harmful norms teach men to equate strength with dominance, emotional detachment, and aggression. Vulnerability is treated as a weakness, leaving men feeling pressured to hide their emotions. The young men opened up about their experiences, admitting that many of their sexual encounters were more coerced than consensual because they feared being seen as weak if they accepted “no.” We reflected on the harm this mindset causes not just to others but to themselves.

Society’s definition of strength has conditioned young boys to “act tough.” By the time they grow into men, they’ve become so hardened they can’t even smile at their reflections in the mirror. One participant asked, “Why should I open up to anyone when they might use it against me?” The others nodded in agreement, their faces echoing the same fear.

This sparked a brainstorming session about why vulnerability isn’t a weakness but a profound act of courage. Suppressing emotions doesn’t make life easier; it makes it harder. Bottled-up feelings don’t disappear, they resurface as stress, anxiety, depression, or physical health issues. Worse still, many men feel isolated, unable to seek help because of the stigma attached to emotional expression.
By the end of the session, the young men were challenged to redefine masculinity. True strength lies in being brave enough to be vulnerable, strong enough to be sensitive, and confident enough to listen in order to change the narrative and empower men to prioritize their mental health, seek support, and build healthier relationships with themselves and others.