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Yesternight, I had an incredibly deep and insightful conversation with friends about relationships, and their perspective on the topic really made me reflect and reconsider my own views. It started off by discussing the expectations we each hold for our partners in a relationship. When they turned the question to me, asking what I expected from a partner, I simply responded with a single word: “Nothing.” This answer caught everyone off guard, leaving them a bit surprised and confused. One of the ladies quickly jumped in, expressing her disbelief. She said, “No, you have to give us some features. We need to know if we fit your expectations, just in case.”

I proceeded to explain that I consciously try to avoid putting labels on people to make them fit into my personal expectations. From me and my buddy’s perspective, there are fundamentally two types of relationships: those of “better halves” and those of “wholes.”

“Better halves” are individuals who feel an inherent need for someone else to complete them. At the beginning of these relationships, everything often seems ideal and flawless. However, as time goes by, the differences between the partners start to become more apparent and harder to ignore. The qualities one person hoped to gain from the other might not actually be present. This gradual realization can transform a “better half” into a “worst half,” making the relationship increasingly difficult to maintain and causing it to deteriorate over time as “best” and “worst” become two opposite polarities pulling away from each other.

Conversely, “wholes” do not expect their partners to fill any voids or complete them. They view each person as complete and unique, avoiding labels and allowing their partners to define themselves freely. “Wholes” live in accordance with their own values and only make compromises with the understanding that they mirror their partners’ values. The qualities they seek in their partners are already present within themselves, creating a more balanced and fulfilling dynamic.

Our conversation took an interesting turn when the moderator, who was quite vocal during this campfire chart, interrupted with his input. “That’s so philosophical and theoretical,” he said. “Make it practical. What do you expect to see in a girl?”

I chose to refuse to label women because I am acutely aware of how powerful and influential my opinions can be in shaping other people’s lives. This night, everyone encouraged everyone present to reflect on their own standards and values, acknowledging that while each person is unique, we all share certain similarities, same same but different.


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